Guest Blogger: Steph Smith

At The Family Effect we love to hear great stories from great volunteers about the time they spend with us, and even more so, we love to share those stories with others! This week is Volunteer Appreciation Week and one of our volunteers, Steph Smith, was kind enough to send us some of her thoughts on her service with The Family Effect:

My name is Steph Smith, President of VOICES For All. I provide free, confidential support groups for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Volunteering at Serenity Place is one of the most rewarding things I've ever done. When women come to my group and confide in me, wanting to heal and understand, there is no better feeling than being able to talk with them and guide them through their trauma. They are so appreciative, trying so hard to change their lives and be better mothers to their children. They not only want to heal themselves but they want to know how to protect their children against the same pain they had to endure. On so many occasions they have cried, releasing some of the built up anger and suffering from their past. I could never explain the feeling of being able to listen to them, having the honor of simply being present for them. I learn more from them than they could ever learn from me. These are women who are asking for and reaching out for help. They are incredibly strong and sometimes do not realize it. They do not give up on hope. How many of us can say the same?

The staff at Serenity Place is absolutely wonderful, kind, and supportive in every way. If you are interested in volunteering at Serenity Place, please, don't hesitate any longer. The women are reaching out for help and the ripple effect you start will never end. You will literally be helping generations to heal and be happier.

To learn more about volunteer opportunities with The Family Effect, check out our volunteer page.

The Fridge: Employee Spotlight

In conjunction with our new initiative to bring you the loveliest art work from our little ones at Serenity Place, The Fridge, we want to share the spotlight with some of our valuable employees who make it possible for our kids to make such masterpieces. This month we talked with Ms. Sally Duncan, the lead teacher in the Toddler room.

When Daniel* first arrived at Serenity Place he was withdrawn and shy. He wouldn’t talk. He kept his head down. This is typical behavior for a three year old with his background.

As soon as the music came on, though, Daniel smiled.

“The best part of my job is getting to see a child make that transformation,” explains Ms. Sally, the lead teacher in the Toddler room, and, not to mention Employee of the Quarter. Many of our children come from homes where addiction is present. As a result, these children are often neglected and don’t receive the proper attention necessary for healthy brain development. They don’t know what to do with a book or a box of crayons, and they certainly aren’t ready for mainstream classrooms.

Daniel blossomed when he heard music playing so she made sure to include music daily in the class room. “It really brought him out.” In addition to playing favorite children’s songs like “The Wheels on the Bus,” the teachers encourage the children to make their own music; spilling out buckets of instruments and even including pots and pans. They learn rhythm even through free play, Sally tells me.

Music is just way one to bring the children at Serenity Place out of their shells. It’s not the only way. That’s why it’s important, Sally says, to include activities daily that are geared towards each child’s preference.

During her time working at Serenity Place, Sally has worked in the infant room, the toddler room, and the preschool room. The toddler room is by far her favorite because every single thing is a learning experience. The children get the experience of finding out glue is sticky, that mixing colors creates a new one. “It’s not so much about the name of colors, but experiencing different materials,” she says. “They get to learn about different textures—sponges, brushes, fingers…”

Sally explains two different processes for creativity used in the toddler classroom. The first is teacher guided, where the end result, or the product, is more important. The second is much more oriented around the process—what the kids discover through music, art, and free time—how they put their imagination to work.

The structure of the classroom and the attention of the staff truly help the children flourish. Though they’ve been exposed to so much, they are much more resilient than adults. They learn to trust and they learn to cope. They learn that red and blue makes purple, that pots and pans can be musical instruments. They learn to use their imaginations and be themselves.

According to Sally, working in the toddler room is really rewarding and really challenging, but most importantly, she really loves it!

*Name has been changed.

Words of Wisdom

This morning at The Academy we celebrated our 11th graduation of 2011. It's such a privilege to participate in the graduations and see how the boys evolve over a course of about three months. My favorite part, though, is hearing the peers and staff speak to the graduate individually, offering feedback, tough love, and words of support and encouragement.

Lately, the boys have taken to writing poems or other comments for their peers. I wanted to share one of the poems read this morning...

Words of Wisdom

Your time has come and now it's done,

It's time to shoot and aim for the sun.

You've reached your point where success has reached,

Now go back home and prepare to teach.

Teach society what you have learned

and how you have made it and don't plan to return.

I'm not preachin' so don't call me a preacha,

I will miss you and happy early Easter.

Being vs. Doing

Just a few minutes ago I received an email from a new volunteer, Autumn, saying that her first volunteer experience was a success and she was looking forward to getting involved on a regular basis. Music to my ears! I love to connect with and get to know our volunteers, but I love connecting them to experiences that make them feel like they fit.

Autumn signed up to help with childcare at Serenity Place, but I emailed her before hand to let her know that I often get emails from volunteers saying something along the lines of, "The children are so adorable and fun, but I connected with the mothers more than I expected. They told me all about their story and I just felt like I needed to be a listening ear for them."

Autumn's email this morning echoed those sentiments, but she phrased it in a different way. She wrote, "I did end up talking to moms more than I babysat, as you said. When I left, I mentioned to Sarah (a staff member) that I felt as if I didn't actually do a lot..."

I loved this. I strive to make a distinction in my own life between doing and being. In our culture, there is so much emphasis on doing and productivity. Sometimes we forget to be. It's equally important to just be present.

Our mothers and children at Serenity Place have been through a lot. They have experienced a lot of abuse and neglect and the moms and children alike need to feel loved and feel like someone cares about them. They need someone to be present and just listen.

I'm often surprised when volunteers tell me that the mothers converse so much, because the women spend about 50 hours a week in intensive counseling. They talk a lot. To me, it says a lot about our quality of volunteers if the mothers choose to talk to them even after all of that.

So whether you're interested in doing or being, come spend some time with us!

Call Kelly at 467.3944 to learn more about volunteering with The Family Effect.

New Year, New Slate

Regardless of how you feel about New Year’s Resolutions or if you resolve to change something yourself, it’s hard to deny there is something really exciting about a new year and a chance at a fresh start. It produces an adrenaline rush of sorts. It’s exciting to look back and evaluate the past year and decide what philosophies and habits to cling to, and what could be tossed out or exchanged for something new.

Experts spend a lot of time philosophizing on how to make resolutions and keep them. There seem to be three important steps to success: you need to know why you pick a specific resolution, you need to make a plan to keep it, and you need accountability. So while people may make resolutions year round, in January most of us are buzzing about our plans to be a better person. It’s great to say it out loud so your friends and family can keep you in check.

Now you’re probably asking yourself, “Why is the crew at The Family Effect schooling me on New Year’s resolutions?” Because around here, we’re all about clean slates. Every day of the year, we help our mothers and teenagers kick bad habits that diminish themselves, their families, and our community. We help them focus and find motivation for staying clean, we help them make a plan to achieve their goals and equip them with tools and support networks to be successful.

Our staff provides incredible insight and guidance for our families, but community support from volunteers and donors is vital to make the success last. Please resolve to offer support and encouragement to our families and kids at Serenity Place or The Academy this year, and watch them accomplish their goals. You just might find that giving your time and energy provides you with all kinds of satisfaction, and not just the kind you get from checking something off your list.

To learn more about volunteering, mentoring, or donating please contact Kelly Byers at 864.467.3944.

Happy Holidays!

Speechless. Overjoyed. Moved beyond belief. Amazed.

Those are just a few of the words to describe the way we are feeling at The Family Effect this week. And it’s all because of a little Facebook post.

Just two weeks ago we were fretting about how to provide the children and mothers at Serenity Place with a good Christmas. We didn’t have anyone on the docket to provide gifts for our residents. We reached out through Facebook asking if anybody could provide anything to make their Christmas great, and the response has been overwhelming!

It’s likely that our clients are going to have the best Christmas ever. Our children at Serenity Place are all receiving beautiful stockings, toys galore, new winter coats, and lots of clothes to keep them warm. Our mom’s are all receiving gift cards, and new comforters for their rooms. They are even getting their own special visit from Santa Claus!

We are so fortunate to live in a community that truly values families. Thanks for everyone’s generosity and contribution to our mission especially at this time of year. The gifts and presence of our community is sure to make this holiday a special one, especially as many of our residents can’t spend the special day with their families.

A special thank you to Dabo and Kathleen Swinney and the All-In Team Foundation, Lisa Seal, Turner Padget Graham and Laney, Lisa Dantzler and the Rose Hammond Circle at Advent United Methodist Church, Five Forks Baptist Church, Teri McCord and Nancy Jaramillo, and Michael and Melanie Fee!

Giving Thanks

This morning we celebrated the sixteenth graduation from the Academy, our residential treatment program for teenage boys. It’s hard to believe that since our opening in May, we’ve had sixteen young men successfully complete the program. There are several traditions that have already developed during the graduation ceremonies at the Academy: a gift is passed around and each peer, counselor, and visitor has a chance to offer words of encouragement or wisdom to the graduate; we mingle and sign a shirt for the graduate to take with them; we form a line reminiscent of Soul Train and sing to the boy as he exits; and finally we strike a singing bowl one time for each graduate who has passed before. Today there were sixteen chimes. As time progresses and more and more adolescents successfully complete the program, we all wonder if this tradition will continue when we are up to 200 chimes.

Thanksgiving, and subsequently the end of the year, often elicits contemplation and gratitude, and even practicing traditions of our own. As I sat with our group of sixteen teenage boys this morning, in what was the funniest graduation thus far, I couldn’t help but slip into this mindset myself. Every time I visit the Academy, or Serenity Place, I become even more attached to the people we serve. I’m blessed that my job allows me to build relationships with amazing people and be part of this chapter of their lives. Yesterday, I spent the day in the infant room at Serenity Place feeding and rocking babies and watching the mothers come pick up their children at the day’s end. It’s amazing and exciting to see growth in them as individuals, but especially as mothers. This morning, I laughed and danced with the guys at the Academy, made up a secret handshake with one of them, got asked by one enthusiastic teen to help him start a garden at his own house when he graduates, and had guys promise they’d knit me a hat and scarf... all before 10 am.

Sounds super fun, right? It is. Oh my gosh, it is. However, my gratefulness isn’t void of complexity. I struggle with the fact that I meet these beautiful people only because they have been battling serious addiction and other hardships. I hate that this is such a prevalent problem in our community. I cherish my time with the moms, kids, and teens at our facilities and I grow really attached to them. Sometimes I even forget why they are here in the first place; I have to remind myself that we aren’t at summer camp, but in fact at a residential treatment facility. I forget that some of our teenage boys were introduced to drugs or alcohol at the age of 7, and I forget that some have been neglected or abused. They seem like such happy, normal teenage boys. They play football, they crochet (maybe not so normal for teenage boys, but it’s a great therapeutic activity for them), they go on field trips, they know all the latest hip hop sings, they are turned off by vegetables, etc.

Watching them graduate is so bittersweet. Of course I’m ecstatic for them to begin new chapters of their lives, but I know it means I probably won’t be seeing them again. I even have to force myself to hope I don’t, because I want better for them and I don’t want them to end up back here. Earlier I mentioned what it would be like to hear 200 chimes at our graduations. It certainly makes me ponder. It makes me wish away addiction and all of the negative stuff that comes along with it. Then I pinch myself and I remember that’s not likely. So while I’m sad that that many children and families may need our services, I’m so thankful that programs like Serenity Place and the Academy do exist to provide the necessary treatment and support to make sure that the clients we serve will be sitting with their families next year giving thanks and celebrating traditions, or even making new ones.

So, a BIG thanks to all of our supporters who make this work possible! Happy Thanksgiving!

If you’d like to take a tour of the Academy or Serenity Place, or participate in an exciting graduation, please call 864-467-3944.